and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
