her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
