why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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