i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
