So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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