ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
