I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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