Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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