Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
