seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
