Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
