forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
