I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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