Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
