Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
40s are totally the cure
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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