I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
