Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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