May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
