i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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