How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
