my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
