I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
