Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
