I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
