I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
