i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
