Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yo dont text me then not text me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
