Where are you?
In a non slutty way
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
