I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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