I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
