using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
