And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
