dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
