So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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