MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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