Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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