i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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