I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
