this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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