Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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