Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
