I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
