I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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