If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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