I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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