I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
