Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
