I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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