Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
