she smelled like a LAN party
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
