i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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